Aimless.

[plainoleme]

I'll give u a glimpse into how I feel. I'm not working right now (see how much you are blessed). I'm about to finish school. I don't have a girlfriend. Anyway, before my love for Christ grew, I didn't know where I was going. Now since I've studied the Word and found that it is true, I feel like I have a higher purpose. I worked at a homeless shelter and found out that there are people in life that REALLY need our help. I feel like you don't feel appreciated plainoleme. To me, even one person's smile at the shelter was enough for me to continue service. People would come up to me and give me their testimony out of nowhere. It made me love God that much more.

Do you pray before you start reading the bible? Some people can read the bible all the way through and not get anything out of it. "Hearing they hear not, seeing they see not." IF this were the case for you then prayer could help remove the veil from your eyes. I don't want to make assumptions though. You see, I think people would agree with me in saying that when you have a strong relationship with the Lord, His love will grow inside of you. That relationship can only come through prayer, studying the Word, and fellowship.

For some reason, I feel like your job is the biggest factor in the way you feel. Have you shared this testimony with other Christians in your church? I'm 100% sure someone else has been through what you are going through. "There is nothing new under the sun."
Ask yourself, are you doing everything you do because you want to live up to man's standards (getting a master's degree) or are you doing it to please God? I think people would agree with me, that the latter is more fulfilling.
Sometimes you have to give up your feeling of control and give it to God. That's how trust grows.

I always admire and appreciate the heart of your posts, I hope my responses don't come off as callous. I know I've been told that but rather I just see things sans emotions.

I know I have a higher purpose, I'm not sure what it is yet. But I understand and believe that a God who knew me before birth created me on purpose for a purpose and wants me to live with purpose. That's partially how I continue on. I will never be presumptuous enough to say I am as close to God as I need be however when people ask me about my works I share what I do to paint a picture. Again I hope that is never misconstrued as me gloating, I understand that there is no sacrifice I make equal to the one Christ gave. I pray, I fast, study, serve my church, etc.. I try to pray before & after reading my word, admittedly I fall short at being consistent in my prayers

Like you I'm a single, college student. I actually had a period where my listlessness resulted in my unemployment (Oct 2013-Jan2014). I have never desired to live up to anyone's standards but rather I just follow the rules. And yes I realize everyone says follow your heart or seek God's heart. But again those attempts have been fruitless as I cannot identify either. My motivation for being moral, godly, productive is logic there's no true relationship in any area of my life. I dont want to go to hell so I commit myself to God attempt to serve him & worship him. I recognize his death & ressurection as what makes sense as a commitment that id be prudent to keep. I work and go to school because I'm good at what I do and it blesses people. Additionally, it makes economic sense as one day I will prolly have a fam or kids and a wise man gets his house in order & saves up an inheritance for them. I've been extremely diligent in that regrad. Nonetheless money, degrees mean nothing to me. Which ultimately leads to meaningless works.

On the subject of work I've in the human services field since inception outside of my joblessness period, I serve and I get props for high quality works. Doing good brings me no joy, I still do it nonethless because doing good is still good even if it brings me no joy. It has always bothered me that I get no joy from seeing salvation at work or evening blessing others, as my family can attest I am good at being perceived as genuinely generous and affable. However internally being charitable and serving is a routine act no difference than brushing one's teeth.